Iron Sharpens Iron: The Vital Role of Toughness in Personal and Leadership Journeys

Hardship is an enduring characteristic of life which some want to ignore

This is the third editorial in my series of personal reflections on leadership. Leadership and the Citizen should be read first to set the context.

It’s worth noting that my observations on leadership are based on what I believe to be important, and how I have tried to lead. I have failed, let myself and others down, and made the same mistakes more than once. With help from many leaders along the way, I did better and became a more capable leader, but never infallible. I try to do better everyday and I hope by sharing these thoughts, your path will be less rocky than mine.

In this editorial, I will address the importance of toughness as an individual and as a leader. I’m concerned toughness is no longer valued, and even viewed as anachronistic, when it’s as important today as any time in the modern era.

Toughness or grit - a variety of definitions

• Physical or emotional strength that allows someone to endure strain or hardship (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

• Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory (Bill Russell - Basketball Legend)

• It ain’t about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward (Rocky Balboa)

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My childhood was amazing. I had great parents and wanted for nothing. I was held to account for my actions, expected to be polite and respectful, and fulfill my responsibilities as a member of the family. None of this was done in an overbearing or harsh manner. I was a latch key kid of the lawn dart generation. I did not have a tough childhood in any material way. I can credit my family with many things, but I’m not sure making me tough is one of them.

Then, as a 14 year old army cadet, I ended up in Petawawa, ON for a summer leadership course. I lived in a tent for six weeks on the Mattawa Plain with ten other boys from all walks of life. If I had any illusions about my level of toughness, they quickly vanished. I was put under physical, mental, and emotional pressure as I adapted to this new environment of military-like training. Some of the boys took it in stride - giving the impression it was an easier experience than their everyday lives. By the end of the summer, I would not say I was tough, but I certainly had a sense of what tough looked like. Most importantly, I was forming my opinions about the value of grit in achieving my goals and why leaders need to be tough.

It’s a cliche, but life is hard. With the exception of the brief moment of time in which we in the West currently live, life for all humans has been a struggle to survive. From the dawn of civilization until the recent past, humans have grappled with harsh environments, scarce resources, and formidable predators, necessitating a level of toughness to stay alive. Darwin’s theory of natural selection underscores this necessity, where only those who could adapt, endure hardships, and persevere could ensure their survival and pass on their genes. This evolutionary imperative ingrained in humans a grit or tenacity to confront and overcome adversity.

Beyond fighting prehistoric animals or surviving an extended drought, there is a physiological imperative for being tough. While prolonged stress can have negative consequences on physical and mental well-being, stress does play a crucial role in building toughness on a micro level. This is through the production of cortisol, often referred to as the "stress hormone." Elevated cortisol levels during stressful situations serve as a natural response to cope with the emotional load, helping individuals overcome challenges by reducing negative emotional responses. Additionally, cortisol plays a vital role in regulating metabolism, immune function, and inflammation. Therefore, while acknowledging the potential drawbacks of chronic stress, it's essential to recognize that a certain level of stress is not inherently harmful, but rather serves an important physiological function.

Other than helping us physically, is there really a compelling argument for building toughness today? There is. The modern era has allowed us to not simply survive like our ancestors, but thrive. Most people recognize that we have a much easier path than almost everyone who came before us. Despite us winning the timeline lottery, the need for toughness remains as relevant as ever. While innovations such as farming techniques, advanced weapons, and modern medicine help mitigate many of the historic risks to survival, life continues to present a myriad of complex challenges. From geopolitical conflicts to economic hardships and personal disputes, individuals are constantly facing problems where toughness is key to helping solve life’s problems. Unfortunately, an increasingly dominant misconception in contemporary society is that life should be devoid of difficulties. For some among us, this has led to a sense of unfairness when confronted with adversity; perhaps even downright outrage that they should be subjected to even the slightest hardship. This skewed narrative is sadly ignorant of an obvious fact - life is hard, unfair, and always will be.

Image credit: Imgflip

Although society has given space for this narrative to grow, leaders cannot. There are important reasons for leaders to be tough. First, leaders need to be tough as individuals to manage their own challenges. If a leader is unable to deal with their own obstacles, then it’s far more difficult to help a group of people work through their hardships. Second, leaders need to be tough for their team in different ways:

• The leader sets the example of toughness to demonstrate to their followers that overcoming challenges is possible. This helps establish leader credibility.

• The leader helps mentor followers in building a level of grit needed to overcome their own challenges. Individuals can improve their toughness if they are willing to do hard things and suffer.

• The leader motivates and encourages followers (individually or collectively) through adverse situations. This is where toughness is drawn upon to overcome challenges and achieve individual and collective goals.

It’s not a question of “if” a leader and their team will face challenges, but “when”. Again, life is hard, unfair, and always will be, so leaders need to prepare themselves and others for the inevitable.

At this point, some might think that being a tough leader means your ability to be a benevolent one is lessened. The argument has been made that a leader cannot be tough and still be sympathetic and show compassion. This reasoning has become a convenient excuse for not building grit; the opposite is true. What could be more human than struggle? Through building toughness, you experience hardship and suffering which can build empathy, an authentic understanding of struggle, and a belief that people can overcome their challenges. Can someone who has never suffered or dealt with hardship be genuine in their empathy or are they simply exercising moral theatrics or virtue signalling?

Building grit is especially important for leaders so they can push through adversity to get the job done. However, what happens when leaders decide to accept the narrative that life should be fair and hardship is abnormal? When leaders lack the grit to move themselves and others through adversity, a few things happen:

• The leader becomes consumed with personal issues and is unable to lead their team. We all have moments where we need to apply more energy to our own problems, but this should not be the default.

• The leader will seek to avoid challenges, even when these challenges are theirs to tackle. Essentially, they abdicate their responsibilities with the hope of avoiding hardship.

• The leader’s team will quickly become a group of individuals focused on themselves and unable to harness the power of collective effort to achieve their goals. Followers take their cues from the leader - selfish leaders make selfish teams. In the end, the leader and the team become ineffective and are unable to do their job.

Image credit: AZ Quotes

Fortunately, there is a simple solution. Do hard things. Expose yourself to progressively more difficult challenges. View obstacles as opportunities to grow, not things to bemoan. You will realize there are countless mental, physical, and emotional benefits to building your toughness. Not only will you be amazed at what you can achieve, but you will be better able to fulfill your responsibilities as a leader. You will set an example for your followers. You will be able to help people develop toughness which is empowering. Your team will become more effective which will inspire everyone else to do better and view hardship as opportunity, not an excuse for inaction.

There was never a promise of life being easy or fair. The desire to remove all obstacles from someone’s path is not only misguided, but irresponsible. Toughness is simply preparation for the inevitable challenges we will face throughout our lives. If you consider yourself a leader, then you have an obligation to help people find the grit that will make their lives better.